I remember the taste and scent of your lip balm, and the smile that curved your lips when you whispered, "my love." How you voice echoed in my mind, how my heart turned and missed beat after beat. I wanted more. When I look back at it, I still do. You made me alive - you were alive, in those moments. The feel of your breath on my skin, the sound of it fresh in my ears. You were the collumn that made the world. You were larger than life.

I sit in a broken silence, now. Memories invade and muffle reality. A little stick of lip gloss sits on my desk before me; it smells just like yours. I clung onto it the moment I first found it, taking off the lid and breathing deeply the scent. I laughed, I was delighted. It reminded me of you. I could almost rememember it as real, I could almost... pretend.

Moments pass. Hours.

It always goes away. It leaves me alone, in a corner of my mind that should be left to dusk and spiders. I feel it coming now, its teeth sinking in to my thoughts and skin. It makes me itch and laugh. It makes me hate you. It makes me love you, and not give a damn. I don't give a damn. Why should I, you liar? You sick little boy, pathetic little thing. I want you to leave me alone, and never come back. I want you out of my life, I want you to stop lying. You always lie to me.

That girl. You lied to me about that girl. You told me you didn't talk at all, you'd met her just a bit before, that it was nothing, not important. You told me you stopped talking to her. You started talking after you left here. After you made me feel those things, after you got me pregnant. You talked to her while our relationship was jeaporadized, you talked to her while I waited at the edge of my seat for love. You talked to her while I miscarried. You talked to her while I was alone. You flirted, you laughed, you joked. That's what I'm worth.

I'm done.

Lie to yourself, not me. It's over. I'm not yours anymore. Leave me alone forever. Make it final, don't make me wait for something unreal. I just wanted my baby to be yours as well. That's all. I wanted to have a baby, to remember you by. But I won't have that, and it'd be wrong if I did. But it's what I wanted, and still do. Our baby, at last. But without you. You always make me cry.

I believed in you.